I am not a big fan of movies. It seems that the effort put into finding a good production is never commensurate with the time I can spend on taking pleasure from watching it.
I prefer long-term satisfaction. Therefore, in my case, the TV series work much better. Once I choose a good one, I can be sure that I’ll have fun for many nights.
I don’t think it’s always a good thing, but I usually like to know the outcome when I put my energy into something. Before action, I often ask myself, is it worth it?.
I don’t remember when the last time it happened to me to go to the restaurant without checking the opinions about the place, ordering clothes from a shop which I did not know, or visiting a hotel without analyzing scores from all categories on booking.
A few weeks ago, I downloaded HBO Go. Obviously, before watching anything, first I interviewed my friends and asked which show they enjoyed there the most. I also searched in Google on my own for the best on hbo go. And in the end, I compared all the choices with IMBD rates.
I can spend some time on solid research, but I am far too busy to deal with disappointments.
***
My searchings brought me to Love Life – an American TV series with Anna Kendrick in the lead role. The first season has ten episodes, and each of them tells a story about a different person who appears in the main character’s life. The series’s idea is to show – in a romance-per-episode structure – the way from the first love to the last one. Smart and simple. I decided to give it a try.
So I turned on the episode about Darby’s first boyfriend, and I caught myself thinking… whom she will meet in the last.
Come on, who will be The One?!
It’s hard to hide. I like to know the results. My work never starts without a goal in mind. I get easily annoyed with actions that do not bring any outcome. I read books to get inspired, exercise to keep my body in good condition and cook to take pleasure from eating. My life motto is: if it does not bring you income, orgasms or satisfaction, you should not have it in your life.
I feel like I am not the only one. We all somehow got used to building immediate expectations. We learned how to control the stuff. Come on, anytime we want, we can track all the planes in the sky.
***
But the longer I live on this crazy planet, the more I realize that it’s all about the way, not a finish line. The way during which you experience all those scary things unable to control. Emotions. Relations. And people.
I am not surprised that we don’t know how to deal with them.
We are terrified because we usually don’t know where it goes once we start to talk with other human beings. We are stressed because we don’t have a tool that would help us check which of the relationships are worth all this tension. We are scared because when we finally admit to love someone, we automatically admit to have a lot to lose.
And let’s face it. In theory – despite weight – it never makes sense to lose anything.
***
We grew up believing that if something did not work in your life, it probably meant that we had made the wrong investment, not preceded by the proper research. And when we made the mistakes, we were repeatably encouraged to instantly forget and move on.
Our families and/or the film industry taught us that life should be about finding The One.
I don’t feel that vibe. The most hateful question I’ve ever heard from my family regarding my relations is: Okay, but is it leading anywhere?
Yes, it is making me fuckin’ happy. Every. Single. Day.
(I guess that is never enough.)
Don’t get me wrong. I like long-term goals and making huge plans. But I don’t want to treat the future as a better reason to be happy than this what we are having right now. I don’t want the lack of information about what it will be to stop me from being happy about what it already is.
I genuinely like the person I am becoming. And I know that I would never have a chance to meet her if I could not make mistakes.
Would I repeat them? Yes.
Not because they were fun (maybe little bit), but because the lessons they taught me were worth it.
A while ago, I believed that sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. Now I know that sometimes learn can be even more than win.
My friend often admits that she’s afraid to be happy. What if it all will be gone in a second?
The point is that happiness is usually a fleeting moment. It’s up to you if you decide to catch it.
Would you really spend a sunny day at home because, trusting the forecast, it may rain in the evening?
***
We have to learn to appreciate what we have before the time makes us appreciate what we had. I know. Losing is never easy. And starting over often feels like scaling a mountain. It is always tiring, but, happily, it can also be very satisfying.
Some people start reading books from the last pages, but for some reason, most of us do not like spoilers.
I just think that maybe we do not necessarily need to always have in mind an imaginary view from the top of the mountain once we only start climbing.
What if we just try to trust the vibe
and enjoy the feeling?
